humid morning

you came into my dream
last night
you were sitting across the table,
smiling softly
how rarely we smile at each other now.
how rarely you smile at all
traces of white moisturizer
and beads of sweat along
your lip lines; they curve
to show disapproval
and anger from dissatisfaction
the kind that horrified me as a child and pisses me off now.
i wonder when your anger
started to lose meaning to me
and your failures
that you projected on me like expectations
lost their purpose to me
did they ever have a purpose for me?

i was compelled to watch you
stubbornly and stupidly drive
your loved ones away
and then pull them back in
like it’s a game where you make
all the rules.
do you realize, that you are not even yourself most of those times?
well, you have those chemicals for it
but they hardly make you happy
they make you calmer, sure
and tireder.

who am i to question who you are?
i am no one now
i know and i know you do too
that you could’ve had a different life,
but here we are
may be in that different life
i will be able to hold you
and tell you

that you mean so much to me

Written by prohor

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