Afraid of My Sexuality

Hi I am 18 and I think I’m bisexual. Yes, I said ‘think’ because I am very, very confused about myself right now. I’ve been in love with a boy and I was heartbroken too. But the first time I realized I was into girls was when I was 15. I saw this really beautiful actress in a soft white dress and I couldn’t sleep for days. I kept having fantasies. After some days, I realized whatever I was thinking is bad, it’s sin. I shouldn’t be doing this. I should be thinking about boys, not girls. And I deleted those photos and stopped thinking about her. But as time passed, I became more open to the idea of homosexuality. My family is a religious family, not strictly, but still. I am also a believer of god. But I kept getting a crush on girls, mostly actresses. I thought that was just a phase because I fell in love again with another guy but it was unrequited and then suddenly this girl came, unique and new in my life. She was someone I should avoid as she’s my crush’s girlfriend but, weird enough, I fell in love with her. Even if not love but a huge crush. I mean I really like her and sometimes thoughts like spending my life with her forever, maybe marrying, came to my head. But just like before I kicked out my thoughts about her, because I believe that I am straight, but maybe I am not. I am very afraid of my sexuality. I am afraid if I’m actually bisexual, I would be outcasted. My mental health has deteriorated a lot for this. I am very confused.


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