Brave Words

I always kind of knew there was something different about me. I was never one of your typical teenage girls – having a huge crush on senior year guys in school and daydreaming about them. I always kind of knew, for some reason, I can not be myself in Bangladesh. However, I was uncertain about why I could not fit in and got desperate to leave my own country. Or should I say that I had to be uncertain and kept fooling myself.

The first time I dared to tell a girl that I liked her is when I was already abroad, outside of Bangladesh. I started accepting myself and expressing attraction towards a girl was no longer a sin to do. I am lucky that I get a chance to get out of that toxic society. When I met my girlfriend, the last thing I had to worry about is if she also likes me back. Oh well, this awkward potato succeeded to impress the most amazing girl ever.

I have a happy settled life here in Europe where people accept me as I am, and I don’t need to care about others who do not. I love my life. It is simple and hassle free. Of course, the point I am right now was never easy to reach and yet has some shortcomings. I still couldn’t dare to introduce my girlfriend to my parents and still I do not know if I would be ever able to do that. However, this post is not about my life story, it is about something else. It is about the thought I often get and that makes me feel guilty. Often, I have this thought that out there maybe another girl, another younger version of me in Bangladesh – is not as lucky as I am – still struggling. I get heartache each and every time thinking there is a boy out there being bullied, there is a girl out there suffering. I might sound melodramatic and when I share this thought with my girlfriend she says I alone can not change the whole system. (I mean, I do not even have the guts to come out to my family – duh!) But I really wish there was something I could do.

If you are a LGBT teen from Bangladesh, I just want to convey a message to you. Yes, I do not know you personally, but we have similarities in our story. I know it is difficult – gets tough from time to time but you know what? It was not ever easy to anyone – any of us. We queer people have a long history and still a long way to go. Keep faith in yourself and be careful while trusting people. There are people who really care. I hope one day I will be brave enough to post this with my real ID no matter even if it reaches my family back at home.


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