Life As A Misfit

Hi, I’m a 17-year-old pansexual girl. Although I’m pansexual, I’m much more attracted to girls. So, I’m more of a lesbian than a pansexual. X And to mention vividly I’m a tomboy. I never felt like a girl, I love to act like a boy. And this very matter created a lot of problems with my family and my friends. I belong to a very religious family, and my parents never agreed with my boyish style and attitude, they hate me like the way I want to be. Next is, they are super homophobic. I heard them to utter hatred towards homosexuality. They say it’s unnatural and very nasty. So I never got a courage to tell them that I was lesbian. Most of my friends didn’t like me and my styles when they came to know that I’m homosexual. Almost all of my friend left because of this. Then I wanted to be straight. I started to hang out with boys, acted like a girl and tried bring feelings towards boys, but that made my mental condition even worse. I was bullied my some boys who live near my home, when they got to know that I’m homosexual. Everything kicked me out because of my homosexuality, I still feel like that I’m a misfit in everywhere. Not only that, I even suffered depression, some years ago I fell in love with a straight girl, I was in fear that she will dump me too because of this fact, I involved myself in drugs and I was addicted. Then later on I told her everything and yes she supported me a lot and made me feel better. But still I couldn’t fit myself in any conversation, and I still have a lot of communication problems. I’m disconnected with my friends, I’m invisible in my family, I can’t concentrate in my studies and failed in exams, because of this disconnection. Everyone hates my sexuality, everyone hates my orientation. I just can’t communicate with anyone because of this hatred towards me and my homosexuality. Why just they doesn’t accept me the way I am.


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