I did a lot of thinking and a lot of thought juggling but I am sure. I am non-binary and pansexual.
Ever since I was a kid I was so confused with the prospect “lingo” like how it is that there are two genders only. Like what kind of fact is this. My parents? They’re the typical Bangali Islamic Conservative. When my first crush was on a cartoon character, my second was on a woman whose name I can’t recall. I’ve been drilled with the thought “That’s not okay. That’s yuckie” And I’ve always been introduced to the prospect. “You should only be straight” bombarded via parents and cartoons. My mother, mother dearest, told me that I should come to her because teenage is a confusing age. You just blew off on my face that “Same sex loves are Haram and disgusting. In Islam” Newsflash. It. IS. NOT. My father? He transformed into a Conservative. All I’ve ever heard is “Hijra ra bhalona. Tader ijjod nai. Tara rastay lentah Hobe tomake insult korar jonno” (You get the jist) Honestly? Speaking from experience. I never have met a Hijra who was overdramatic or the stereotypical shit. They were all nice normal people who just doesn’t have much access to good makeup products and sarees (They would put the Kardashians to shame) Just other day, they were okay with my friend not giving money (She was on her way to see Nanu. Hospitalized) and you know what they said, the “Hijra”, “Accah Apu tik ache. Apnar nanu’r jonno dowa korbo” and they left. All chill. I’m getting sidetracked. Anyways, I’m still in the closet. I am afraid. I wanna get out of here. I wanna go to a safe zone. I wanna help this earth while being ME. I just wanna feel whole again.