Amar boyosh 22… Ami ekjon meye and I’m Muslim… Ashole ki diye suru korbo bujhchina. Nijer life ta ke ami onek hate kori just because of my Sexual Identity. Ami janina ami bisexual na homosexual I literally don’t know…. ok let me clear it…
Ami jokhon class 5 e pori tokhon theke amar boys and girls shobai kei valo lagto. But aste aste ami jokhon boro hote shuru kori amar fantasy, dream e just meyera thakto. Chele der o valo lagto abar… but when I was in class 10, I got attached to a girl and I started feel for her. And shey o amake like kora start kore ami jani… Daily tuition sheshe amra duijon golpo kortam, ami or haat dhore thaktam, raate phone e messaging and ami okey chithi o ditam kagoje likhe. But the thing is, something wrong happened afterwards. Amar deya love letter gulo or maa er haate pore jae and then ja houar tai…. But ami shahosh niye or maa ke face kori and boli “Aunty ami apnar meye ke ar kono din text dibona and it’s my promise and I keep my promise”. Since then ami ajo taake ar disturb korini. Hae o onek koshto peyeche. Amake message diyeche je “please tumi amar sathe kotha bolo, contact off koro na”, but ami jogajog korini because ami chaini bishoy gulo dui family er shobai jene jaak. Erokom hole hoito amader merei felto because we both belong to a conservative Muslim family.
Then ami college e uthlam. Shei somoy ekjon meyer opor crush khelam. Ami jani shey straight chilo but ami tau or shathe kotha boltam, or extreme level er care nitam. But ekta time e giye ami jante pari je or 2 bochorer relationship ache… Ami hurt hoi onek…. and then I decided that I’ll get involved in a relationship with a boy.
Ami erpore ek cheler shathe relationship e jai….der bochorer relationship chilo… Ami taake pagol er moton bhalobeshe felechilam. Shey chara amar life ta puroi blank chilo, but the thing is der bochorer relation e amader moddhe kono kichui hoini, not even a single hug. Because both of us are very religious, and the most important fact is I didn’t feel physically attracted to him when I was with him… Then kichu complicated issues er karone amader break up hoi, like admission fact. Taar BUET e chance na pawar karone shey relationship ke responsible vaabe… To be honest he was a nice guy but too immature. Shey life theke jawar por amar kono chele ke bhalo lagto na.
Ami 2nd time medical preparation nilam and Alhamdulillah ami chance peye gelam bhalo ekta medical e… But tarpor amar life er ashol pain shuru holo… Ekhane eshe amr onek friend hoi and tar moddhe ekjon… That girl! Amar best friend, jaake ami shob ta diye bhalobashi. But shey straight and taar bf ase. Amar je ki koshto hoy… Aaj 2 bochor dhore ami amar pain, amar feelings hide kore niye berachchi or kachh theke okey haranor bhoye. Ami okey kono vaabei harate parbona… But shey amarkokhono hobeo na. Medical college e shobai jaane ami straight… Fake image baniye cholte hoy… Edike bashaye biyer jonne pressure dichche, ei niye jhogra to hoi e… Ami janina Allah amake koto ta hate koren…shob kichu miliye onek beshi frustrated ami…
Ar ekta kotha amader society er shushil bhodro manush gulor jonne… Gay lesbian bisexual ra shobai kharap hoi na… Hae eta bolchi ami amar personal experience theke… Kokhono konodin kono meye or cheler shathe ulta palta kichu korini… We respect them.