A Misfit

Hello lonely world…

It’s me, a random human and a transman, asking you if you are alright. Whoever is reading this, I’m proud of you for struggling this much and still having the patience to move further.

But… Why are we so lonely on this earth? Why are we misfits to one and other? I’m a transman, but before that I am a human, and my heart wishes to love too and to be the beloved one too! Haha… Alas, it feels like I’ll always have to live this life alone, and keep all these tremendous struggles hidden in me!

Neither girl nor boy, I’m just a misfit to everyone… Do you know? You can only call that home, when it belongs to you, but I couldn’t say anything like that to someone, that they are my home. I grew up in a child care centre, and never had the attachment with my parents. I’m mostly habituated to being alone. Friends? Friendships still exist? And honestly, I’m tired of all these consolations about not worrying or being sad that I’ll find a soulmate!

I want a home… Let me tell you my dreams.

“I want a home, a cheerful family. Me and my wife will watch stars every night, our kid would be playing happily, no matter what we will face together, ups and downs, and give ourselves time and we will try to be the best listeners to each other, and most importantly I’ll try to understand her, what she thinks, how she feels, what it feels like when she is in misery, what it feels like to be happy, what is her perspective? It’s like I want to feel her emotions, and I want to be a mighty explorer in her limitless world.”

This… is this love?

Once a grown-up told me, “Come on, don’t live on dreams! Reality is far from this fairy tale.” Haha… Honestly, don’t live in such reality if it makes you such pessimistic like the grown-up I’ve mentioned above!

Anyways… I don’t know if a loved one is written on my fate, but if you are…

Dear loved one, do come fast… cause I want to know what love is, I want to know what it feels like to be loved, I want to know what it feels like to dive in the blue of you, or maybe you can say I want to see what it feels like if both of us love each other too!

Source: BAH ( Bangladesh Against Homophobia )

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