Accept Yourself

Hey, I’m 20-year-old bisexual female. I’m sharing my story just so you people reading this won’t go through what I had put myself into.

It was 2016 when I first wondered, Am I into girls? LGBTQ wasn’t a new term to me. As someone who spends almost all day on the internet, I knew what this meant and how “unacceptable” it is. I got scared. Really scared. But I made myself believe I’m just thinking too much. There’s no way I’d like girls. But then I met someone and she changed my life and changed me. She’s my internet friend. The closer I got to her, the more I realized I was falling for her. 2017 was the worst year for me. I cried every night while Salah and asked for forgiveness from Allah. I thought I was a sinner, I thought Allah would hate me for being like this. I hurt myself because I thought I deserved punishment. I pushed my friend away from me. I intentionally and irrationally fought with her.

In 2018, I realized I couldn’t take it anymore. I video-called my friend and told her how much I had fallen for her. I thought she would hate me for having such feelings. But she was so accepting and caring. She said she is straight but my feelings won’t impact our friendship. She taught me to accept myself as who I am, not fight with myself. She made me realize Allah would never hurt me for what I feel.

It’s almost the end of 2019. I’m still friends with her and I’m still madly in love with her. I don’t show it to her cause I don’t want things to get awkward between us but I love her so so much. So two lessons from this, don’t fall for a straight person and don’t deny your feelings. Don’t hurt or hate yourself for what you feel.

Source: BAH ( Bangladesh Against Homophobia)

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