An Outer Shell

Hi! 22-year-old male here, living in Dhaka. I am sure that bisexuality is not in my nature since I was 14. You see, in ninth grade, I had this friend who used to sit behind me every day in class who also happened to be gay. Touching me in class when the teacher wasn’t looking was his daily routine. I never liked that, to say the least. Besides, I went to a missionary school for boys only so I pretty much grew up around boys. If I were gay, I’m sure I’d know by now. Trouble started brewing as I got older, though. Eventually, I discovered that I am not into females either. In fact, I barely feel any sexual attraction towards any gender whatsoever, a phenomenon we now define simply as asexuality. I have forced myself into relationships though, two of them! Though perhaps I could be more normal if I had a girlfriend. Make no mistake, I liked both the girls as I dated them. But eventually, I felt as if I was forcing myself too much. All the romance was an outer shell since I never told them the truth. I explored the deepest senses of intimacy with them, only to have a status of normalcy! Eventually, I was tired. Too tired of keeping the truth about myself to myself simply because asexuality is widely regarded as the pinnacle of abnormality in not only Bangladeshi society but in any society no matter where you go. Bisexuality is way more common and is even getting acceptance in most places but asexuality is still a taboo, the kind of which is birthed by a “normal” person’s fear of not being associated with the idea of not feeling something everyone else does. I do not know whether this actually falls under an LGBTQ banner but this is where I have seen a post regarding asexuality in Bangladesh and therefore am sharing my words here. I will probably have to spend my life alone because I was born and must stay in a land where finding people like myself is harder than finding a needle at the bottom of the Atlantic. But one thing is for sure: I will never live again with lies simply so that I can blend in a bit more with a group of people who cannot take such small aberration.

Source: BAH ( Bangladesh Against Homophobia)

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