Confused and Heartbroken

I’m a 19-year-old girl. All my life I’ve been attracted to men and I still do but a recent incident has left me in utter confusion. A few months ago, I started talking to a girl on a social media platform since me and her share similar interests. I usually don’t talk to strangers on the internet whether it’s a girl or a boy but I don’t know what happened, conversing with her was one of my favourite parts of the day. I loved talking to her. Some days later I realized that I like her as a partner, I have a lot of female best friends who are amazing friends but I don’t feel for them the way I feel for her, I always think about her the whole day, I want to spend time with her, hold her hand, gift her things and spoil her. I don’t know what to label this feeling, I’ve known about the LGBT community for over 2 years and also support it but never felt attracted to the same gender. I still can’t say I’m attracted to girls, I’m romantically attracted to just one particular girl, I’ve never imagined her in a sexual way but I can’t also see her as just a friend. I kind of have ideas about boy x boy relationships thanks to BLs but I’m clueless how a girl x girl relationship works. I’m so confused! I mustered up some courage and told her about my feelings but she told me she doesn’t feel the same for me. I stopped talking to her to remove my feelings. But I just can’t stop thinking about her. I don’t even have any hopes of her liking me back because she’s really religious and straight. I never got to meet her due to this lockdown so I always keep imagining us together.

I want to get out of this unhealthy daydreaming but it seems impossible. And also I’m confused about my sexuality, what am I? Those who are reading this can you tell me how I should cope with this situation?

Source: BAH ( Bangladesh Against Homophobia)

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