Discovering Myself

I am a girl and attracted to girls… Never found any boy interesting in my whole life… Well, except for those men who look like girls… 🙂 I never understood what my same-age girlfriends find interesting in boys… I always found those boys like “nothing unique”… Why is she interested in him… What’s that point I am missing!!?? And then, I was in 9th grade… and one night I was kissing a girl in my dream. But waking up, I was like, what the hell was that…!!?? That time, I knew nothing about same-sex relationships… Homosexuality… LGBT… Nothing… Just have no idea… So nobody can say that I was influenced by TV shows or anything… Because I had no FB account… And also barely knew what the internet is!! Still, I told myself that my prince charming is on his way… It might take a little time… But it’s okay… A long time passed. I was 22. Some boys kind of started liking me… But I felt irritated by their extra attention… I was wondering why I don’t like them as they like me… Why I don’t want any relationship with them, while other girls are so interested in them. And there’s one girl I know I kind of felt attracted toward her… But I was not sure what’s that feeling. I used to get jealous when she used to talk about her BF and irritated… I liked to take care of her but I couldn’t tolerate that she is not feeling the same as me… I felt like she is playing with me… Though she had nothing to do with it. Only I was the one who felt like this, not she… She simply took me as yet another friend of her… Everyone had access to the internet by that time… I wrote my feelings on Google and searched why I feel this way. And the result I got that made me feel happy that I am not one and only in this world who feels like that… There are others, and it’s not a mental problem. But soon after that, I found out that I am actually a criminal in my country… 377 crushed my world like a bulldozer… I got into depression… After a long time struggling alone, I finally got the strength to come out to my family… And the rest was history… I ended up in rehab… That’s half of my story… I am 24 now… I will continue the other half that I am living till now if I can survive in this society and this world full of ignorance and hatred…

Source: BAH ( Bangladesh Against Homophobia)

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