I am 36-year-old married man working in a bank at mid level. My introduction to sex started in a very early stage like 10/11, and it has happened with one of my uncles. I believe that has turned on my sexual affection to boys and lasted for 3/4 years. Over time, this almost got erased from my brain and I got into a really long relationship with a girl whom i married later. But in between one fine night suddenly I got affectionate to a picture of a gay model, that was the rebooting.

I again started to google about my this feeling for men, easy internet was also the fuel to this craving of my mind. Till then to now almost another 10 years, I have labeled myself as bisexual.

But the reason I am bringing this to this page is, my true label is hidden, my declared label of sexuality is straight. I am living a life of dual standard, always worried about my wife, family, relatives. Every time I want to meet/like/love a man from the feeling of homosexuality, I feel like I would have a nervous break down. So, I have to remain in the closet my whole life and in this virtual world.

I am also brought up with religious thoughts, which also sometimes pokes my brain. Overall, sometimes it feels like my brain/mind would collapse someday.

Still fighting successfully with this social/religious “PHOBIA.”

Source: BAH ( Bangladesh Against Homophobia)

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