I am gay. And before I fell in love, I thought it was possible to live life without it. I used to tell myself, “Look at the state of this country. So much needs to be done. How can you care about your love life in these times of dystopia?”

And then I felt romantic love for a friend. He was straight, so I moved on. Since then, I’ve developed crushes or felt love for many men who I assume to be straight and I have of course moved on. It’s merely the ethical and decent thing to do, to move on from your romantic feelings toward someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you.

Thing is, I can and always will move on from the specific men I feel romantic love toward. But I can’t move on from the feeling of romantic love itself toward those of the same gender as me. And I won’t.

Yes, we’re experiencing and have been experiencing a social and political sh*t show in this country since before its conception. Yes, it’s a dystopia. But I realize now that love is what makes it possible enough to survive in dystopias for people to keep struggling to try to make a better world. It’s what gives life some semblance of meaning.

What cripples me is not the homophobic laws of this country but my fear to ask another man out on a date. It’s possible to face off against everything with a partner you love but how can you find him? You can’t ask someone out in fear of your safety. You don’t know who to ask out on a date because you don’t know whether they are gay. You can’t use dating apps because kidnapping rings are using them to blackmail gay men and hold them hostage. I feel like we’re stranded on our little islands and all the trees are too rot infested to build a raft.

Source: BAH ( Bangladesh Against Homophobia )