Longing: I’ve been glancing at Jasmine (all are fictional names) over and over again. It’s been a while and I wanted some alone time with her. But she is surrounded by a few of our friends and a few kids, taking pictures with them. We’ve all been hugging and saying goodbyes to each other the whole day. There has been a lot of crying too. The last day of high school is not easy. The time you make some serious friends and it’s hard to let go. Sara and some other friends of mine are already leaving. Hailey is waiting for me but I can’t leave yet. There’s still one person I want to say bye properly, Jasmine. Also, today’s the day I’ve been feeling shy the most. Weird since we’ve sort of been together for a year and then separated for the last year and today’s the day I can’t figure out what to say to her. There are so many things going in on my mind. So many things to say to her before she moves away to a different college. There she is, laughing with the children, so carefree, so elegant, and so beautiful. She’s so good that it hurts everytime I look at her. My first love, my first giving butterflies, taking breath away kind of love. Suddenly I feel like crying. I don’t want to say goodbye. I want to tell her that I’ll go wherever she goes. Finally she looks at me. That all too familiar crooked smile on her face as if she caught me doing something I shouldn’t have. It always melts my heart. Though she may not believe it anymore, she’d just laugh it out. She slowly walks to me. We are standing so close! She’s quiet. Probably waiting for me to say something. I still love you with everything I have, don’t you know that, I wanted to say. But my lips wouldn’t move. Cause I know if I try to say anything that’s on my mind, I’d get choked up and start crying. So I just stared, hoping she’d understand just by that. Hailey always tells me I look stupid whenever I look at Jasmine. It’s the lovesick look I give, she says. Can’t she see it now? She gently takes my hand on hers, and I get that all familiar tingling sensation that I love. Plz hug me, plz hug me, I need a hug from you so much right now. She looks into my eyes, stops for a few seconds and then finally says, “I guess this is goodbye. I’ll miss you.” And she let’s go of my hand, turns around and walks away, taking the next eight years of my happiness with her.
Source: BAH ( Bangladesh Against Homophobia)