I am not free

I’m an optimistic, 21-year-old man. I knew I am gay since I was 10 years old. No one had to tell me what being gay is! Sadly, no one had to tell me that being gay here, in Bangladesh, is not safe either.

It’s funny how our ancestors drove out the British Government and then Pakistan in search of freedom. And we got it, in some sense. Because let’s be honest, I am not free to express my desire. I’m not free to love. Now the funny part is the rule that makes my freedom limited was put there by the British Government in 1887/1889, more than a hundred years ago, yet it still controls us. 

Anyway, my initial plan was to move abroad (Europe/America) but then the pandemic hit and we all are in financial trouble. So I researched for an Asian country where I can be me. That is Israel. Turns out my country, the country I love with all my heart, banned Israel and labels a traitor whoever dares to go there in favor of Palestine (not into politics but I know Palestine isn’t as LGBT-friendly as Israel).

So yeah, I am totally and utterly devastated. I have had suicidal thoughts but I know I’m stronger than that. But the pain that I feel, the pain that my country caused me will never heal. And I can never hate my country which hurts. I know our country is heavily influenced by some Islamic extremists. I call them extremists because I come from a religious family. My father and uncle were Imams. So I know the difference between a peaceful Muslim and an extremist.

I hate myself for criticizing my own country, and I know my words will go unnoticed. But I gotta say what I gotta say. At least it will ease some of my pain, right?

Source: BAH (Bangladesh Against Homophobia)

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