I love to See Her Smile

I met a girl recently. Friend of a friend of mine. She was very upset. She just broke up with her longtime girlfriend. I’ve seen moments like this. In some cases they exaggerate it a lot, some are totally unaffected by it but not her. She was mourning it appropriately. The right amount. Her pain was so genuine that it made me want to console her. To take away some of it. That’s all it was back then. But she seemed quite hesitant to receive it. Or maybe she just didn’t know how to. I also went through something like that so I understood. Nothing would’ve made sense or soothe her at that time. But after a while, she finally opened up. Then it was like a flood, she couldn’t hold it in anymore. She loved to talk, and I loved to listen. It’s the way she spoke, with an excited and amusing voice, as if she wasn’t talking about herself but rather about a very interesting book. Made you want to listen to her more. That’s how we started talking every day whenever we could. The majority of our conversation involved bad-mouthing each other’s exes which were funny as hell because, to be honest, they were b**ches. The most attractive thing about her would be that she laughed a lot. It was so easy to make her laugh. And it would come suddenly like she couldn’t help it and laugh despite herself. It is beautiful. She is beautiful, though she doesn’t believe that at all. And after a while, I couldn’t pass a day without the sound of her laugh. I think she was very depressed, the reason she laughed a lot. To cover it up, to hide it behind her cheerfulness. But I still longed for it, finding ways to make her smile. That’s how I realized it was getting dangerous, that I got to rein it in. But I didn’t. Now I don’t know what to do. I know I can’t confess because she made it clear several times that she’s not ready for any relationship. Also because I think she can do so much better than me. I can’t hide it either because everything she does now affects me. Can anyone please tell me how I can stay away from her painlessly?

Source: BAH( Bangladesh Against Homophobia)

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