Love – Lost & Found

I’m a 18-year-old bisexual girl & I’m going to share my story —

It was 2015, a girl who was my classmate started to care about me much! She was also in my friend circle so sometimes we talked to each other! I felt like her feelings & care towards me were different from others, she liked to be with me, hold my hands, talked to me… but I was straight, so I didn’t have any fantasy for her! Time flies & in 2016, she became my best friend, she used to sit beside me in class, in break time she always placed her head on my shoulder, I don’t know why it gave me peace… I had a horrible past experience with my boyfriend so when someone started caring about me I was so happy again! It was a summer vacation & we didn’t meet for long, we talked hours and hours! One day it was a birthday party where we were going to meet, we hugged each other, so after the party I was going to drop her. In the car, I felt a hand’s grabbing my boobs! I was so shy that I couldn’t even look at her! I dropped her & after coming home – I was like what happened with me! I texted her – what was that? She just replied – I love you! Please just be mine! I can’t live without you!

I was so shocked, because i never felt anything for a girl but she was my best friend, I couldn’t hurt her, I didn’t say anything I just replied – I will be with you. It was right or wrong I didn’t know I just knew that I can’t hurt her feelings! After that, she came to my house & we had our first lip kiss! I can’t express the moment through words! It was so magical & full of love! First & foremost I realised how sweet it can be! We had a relationship of 4 year! We have a plethora of memories together but she cheated on me, she cheated on me several times by engaging with guys! My love was f…ing true for her, so whenever she said sorry I forgave her! But she betrayed me again, she broke me into pieces & this time she left me for a guy!

In 2018, I was broken, but I met someone who tried to make me feel special again, it’s quite hard for a Bangladeshi girl to travel 10 hours without letting her family know! But she did it, she did it just to meet me once! We met, she expressed her love & I was also starting to fall for a girl again…

Now it’s 2019, 6 month of togetherness! I know she loves me more than anything! I also love her so much! But I’m afraid, I’m afraid of the society, my family & religion! She wants to be with me forever, I want it as well but I can’t leave my family! I don’t know what to do… she becomes my everything, my strength, an inspiration to live my life again, she makes me happy, she can cost anything just to make me happy! How would be I leave her & marry a guy whom I won’t even know properly?

I want to die, die in her arms… I just don’t want to leave her, but I can’t leave my family either 🙂

Source: BAH ( Bangladesh Against Homophobia)

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