My asexuality

I am a non-binary female. I was born a female, still a female and I like it. I like all the feminine charm that automatically comes with it. But I want to be a man as well, have always wanted to be one, want to possess the grace of masculinity. So, now and then, I really like to put on conventional masculine attire and just improvise. One could say I am just being greedy here, maybe I am!

I have always liked boys… and girls. Yet, I have always considered myself straight as I used to cringe at the idea of having sex with girls/women. Why now and then I would dream about holding hands or kissing a girl had never made sense.

As I grew older, as talks of sexual fantasy started being a regular part of our friendly adda, I realized that the idea of sex with boys made me cringe the same. It was never about boys or girls. It was about sex. No wonder I have always failed to understand why all my friends were so looking forward to doing this meaningless thing one day.

I was confused and started reading everything I could about human sexuality. One fine morning, I stumbled upon the word ‘asexuality,’ and the revolutionary idea that romantic desires are not always bound up with sexual desires. Suddenly everything made sense. So that makes me a biromantic asexual. It was a relief to finally get a clear understanding of myself.

That’s it. Just wanted to share my story here. I have read so many after all. And whoever is behind this page, I really appreciate your efforts. It’s been a real comfort reading all those stories, being able to relate to some of them and knowing that I am not really that alone as I had thought initially. I have even made some Facebook friends from here and conversed with them. Aside from a few jerks looking for sex in all the wrong places (even in an asexual’s inbox), most interactions were pleasant, some were absolutely lit.

Source: BAH ( Bangladesh Against Homophobia)

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