I really don’t know where to start. I am even so scared. I am 16 years old and recently gave my SSC exam. I am gay. I used to say to myself that no you are not gay but I finally stopped hating myself. I find interest in boys always. I fall in love with someone who treated me like I am the most worse person in this world. I loved him like so much but he didn’t. He just used me. He was my best friend. He used to kiss me and everything we had at the end of all he used to ignore me like a toy. After SSC, he was leaving Khulna forever. He didn’t talk to me. He said some bad words and blocked me on Facebook. I was so much heartbroken recently. I felt like someone just killed me. I became the most cold-hearted person. I am Muslim and full religious and for that I feel very bad when I think that I am gay and also feel shattered when I think of telling my parents that I am gay because they will throw me out if they know that. No one in this world knows that I am gay. I don’t have enough strength to tell someone. I need friends who will actually understand me. Bangladesh became my jail because everyone is homophobic around here. Everyone loves his school life. I also but most of my classmates used to call me gay by fun but it used to kill me from inside so that is not gonna happen again because school life is over. I tried committing suicide but I stopped because I thought I am only 16. Maybe one day I will find someone who will truly love me. But now I became a robot who just makes people smile doing fun. This in Bangladesh uff but cant smile himself. I thought I would open a fake Facebook ID to find a friend to share my feelings because I can’t reveal myself to the world. I did that and find some gay people but most of them are like want something else and I got scared and deleted that ID. I don’t know what to do. I don’t talk with people much. I spend my day in namaz, Facebook, English series and Hindi and English movies. My life just started and it feel like it has already ended. It feels like everything is finished because I will never be free and find someone. With this I have more depression because of my father. World’s all problems are like with me I don’t know why. I have only one question: Will I be able to find someone or I have to die like this in Bangladesh?
Source: BAH ( Bangladesh Against Homophobia)