To start, I’m going to say I’m a Muslim gay man. Yeah, that’s just like oil & water. But nothing is saving me now from my pain.
I started to find myself attracted to my best friend. Coincidentally, he felt that too. We started a relationship & the moments were so dreamy. I love him and he did too. But suddenly, he started to think that there is no hope for gay men. Many things like society, his parents, religion will not agree. He started to stray away from me. He lowered his attractions from me to random women. He now wants his life just like normal people.
Tried to commit suicide so many times. He still cares about me, just he doesn’t want to accept that he is gay. He is refusing to let me go & he is refusing to get in the same relation with me too. He wants me by his side but he wants a girl for his life partner.
It’s hard to watch him talking to another person & I know it will be hard to see him with another person too.That’s why I started to hate myself more & more.
I’m always scared of loosing. I’m not some emotionless beast which will jump into another man’s life. I love him & I only want him. If only Bangladesh & the society could understand that. I am the same as everyone is. I have a heart too. I also dreamed of a family with him & the rest of my life happily.
The only reason is the society & the homophobia of people. If only we could stop homophobia then maybe, just maybe more lives could be saved.
I still love him like an idiot. He knows that too. I wish he could just let go of his fears.
I really wish to be with him.
Source: BAH ( Bangladesh Against Homophobia)