Hi. I usually start off anything that I write with “I’m ____”, but due to obvious reasons I can’t do that with this one. Let’s just call me J. Nope, not the first letter of my name— you cannot trace me down. Ever.

I’m bisexual. I’m also fairly young. I’m a teenager. Being bisexual isn’t all butterflies and fairies when it comes to living in a country like Bangladesh. You realise you’re bisexual and then what? You shut up. You shut up, and you never tell anyone. You pretend like you’re heterosexual and live your life that way.

Or maybe you don’t. That’s what I did. I realised my sexuality pretty early on. I was eleven. I was young, and I was naive. I told people on the internet about my sexuality, I argued with people about homophobia. I told my cousin. She said I was faking it because it is a trend. That’s kind of hard to hear, but whatever.

At 13, I truly realised that this isn’t easy. People are not nice. They’re not going to be nice to me. But I still did not care much. I told a girl at school about it, she told her boyfriend. Her boyfriend blackmailed me, and does to this day. I got called a “lesbo” by my classmates. At one point, I said I’m straight because I couldn’t handle it.

The moment I said that, a classmate said, “I’m glad you’re not a ‘lesbo’. I’m so glad that you’re normal, I used to be scared of sitting next to you.”

Ouch.

I fear for my life. A lot of people know my sexuality. I cannot sleep at night fearing for my life. I am scared of being hacked to death like Xulhaz Mannan. I’m scared. I’m scared of getting killed because of my sexuality.

Is this fair? Is it fair for a girl so young to be afraid for her life because she isn’t heterosexual? Is heterosexuality what determines my right to liberty? I wish I were straight. I wish.

Source: BAH ( Bangladesh Against Homophobia)