Where Is My Place Here?

As an asexual person, I always find it hard to raise my voice and say I belong to the LGBT+ community. And at the same time, I can’t even say that I belong to the heterosexual side of the population. It’s a bitter truth for someone like me in this world that most people, whether they are LGBT+ or het, always give more value to the physical side of a relationship than the mental.

I’ve tried to date both boys and girls, and every single time, sooner or later, things have turned out the same. They didn’t just want to hold hands or cuddle while watching a movie. They didn’t just want a kiss on their cheeks or a hug from behind. 

When I spoke of a bed, they saw it as an invitation to get into my pants. 

When I said I didn’t want to, they said I just needed to get into the right mood. 

When I said I didn’t feel it, they called me a liar and said I didn’t love them.

There are times when I wish I could understand why sex mattered so much in love. Is it that important? Is it really that mandatory that you will get left behind by the person you gave your whole heart to, just because you didn’t ‘feel’ it? 

At the end of the day, I really am a very very simple girl. I don’t want a prince charming or a damsel in distress. I don’t want beautiful sunsets or a house with picket fences. All I want is to hold someone’s hand in a raging thunderstorm, read novels together on early mornings, sing weird songs late at night while smoking our lungs out. I want to hold someone, kiss someone without the fear of making it look like an invitation to something more. 

I want someone to stay with me because they like the way I smile, and stay because they just want me to keep on smiling.

Source: BAH( Bangladesh Against Homophobia)

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