In my experience, bisexual men are fabulous. They gave me some of my best experiences and memorable moments. They have a very mature sense of dealing with a person and a vast range of emotional capabilities, which they probably get from dating both men and women. When I was in denial and trying to be straight, I started dating a woman for 1.5 months which helped me to understand men better in the long run. So, I can understand where those maturity and emotional capabilities come from.
As a gay man, when I date bisexual men, I enjoy their perfect amount of bromance and romance. They are very good at talking and flirting. They know what they are doing, which is fun. From my experience, they are well-rounded people. And most importantly, bisexual men are very good in bed. My best hand job and best threesome experience happened with bisexual men.
If you meet a brave bi man, it will be a very interesting experience. Two of my memorable dating experience was with bisexual men. With one, I walked in the rain; it felt magical. And with another bi-men, I had a kissing experience in a restaurant in Dhaka while the waiter was watching us, and you know- homosexuality is illegal in Bangladesh. Those two memories made a positive impact on my life.
They can create that space of comfort for others. From one memorable experience, I was talking to my bisexual friend named M. We were having a great conversation. He asked if he could share our conversation with his friends or not; he wanted my permission. I happily gave him my permission. I still remember how he gently asked me how much he could share or not.
Not only that, one of my bisexual women friends Roshni is a leading person in the queer movement. Although she is recognized as a strong figure, her manners, communication, down-to-earth nature, and honesty always charm me. She gives me hope, and her unapologetic stand against oppression gives me strength.
Many women and gays do not like bisexuals because some cheat while staying in heteronormative monogamy. There are lots of hate and biphobia against bisexual people. They had to get married because of social pressure, just like homosexuals. One of my friends said it’s hard being bisexual cause bisexuals do not have control over their sexuality and urges. Sometimes they feel like they are into girls now, and sometimes they feel like they are into guys now. If I explicitly quote a bisexual man, “Sometimes they want to eat pussy, and sometimes they want dick. And they do not have any control over that sexual desire”. My bisexual friend was in a gay relationship for five and a half years but at that time, he sometimes wanted women when he felt his desire for women. But, he was in a monogamous relationship; and faithful to his partner. He never cheated. After that breakup, he started hooking up and dating both men and women casually.
Another of my bisexual male friend was very open about his sexuality. He dated me, and on the same day, he was dating another woman. I was totally okay with it, and that women dating was also okay with it.
Another one of my bisexual man friends used to be in a relationship with a woman. His girlfriend knew that he was bisexual. He started dating men. But when he shared with his ex that he had started dating men now, his ex was very upset about it because she expected he would date women after her, not men. That judgmental incident gave my friend very hard times. He mostly likes to date man now. He thinks that men are more accessible to date than women. In his opinion, he has to go through lots of processes to date a woman. He said that for a date or sex, he does not want to make “saat jonomer vaag deyar promise” and share everything like facebook id. He faced a lot when he tried to date women. He thinks men are more straightforward compared to women. I used to know a bisexual man, who lives near a rural area. He tried gay relationships. He used to be a very good writer. Then he faced a harsh breakup and no one to support him. He was facing continuous pressure from his family to get married. One day he gave status that he would be leaving the community. He had ownership of queer pages and writings. I talked to him actually; he wants to be with both men and women. He wants to be polyamory with a man and a woman. But how will he find that kind of people in a Bangladeshi rural area? Then one day, he vanished!
I know that you may have a lot of bad experiences with bisexual people, but all bisexuals are not evil. They are also the victim of a heteronormative biphobic society. Let them be who they are. Let them be bisexual. We should not shame them or judge them for being bisexual. They need our support so that they can live their lives as bisexuals. I will always consider myself an ally to bisexuals.
Prem is a gay cis-man. Living in Dhaka. Working for queer community for a while.